There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
