hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
