I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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