Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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