that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
