I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
