The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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