don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize