i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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