She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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