Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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