I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
