Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
