I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
