there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
