Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
