can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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