If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize