some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
