He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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