um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
