He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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