this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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