Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
