i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
