They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
