I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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