I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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