I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
