So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
