There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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