Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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