His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
