I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
