You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
