May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
