Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sorry about my life...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
