My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize