That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
