Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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