sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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