I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
