I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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