yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
