Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
