If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
