I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
