If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
