we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
