I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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