I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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