Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
