ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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