I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize