It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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