he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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