my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
