I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
