Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i think i just lost a toe
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
