I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
