They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
